no, i'm not in my "winter arc"

+ why I stopped reading self-help books by neurotypical people

I’m tired. Aren’t you tired?

I don’t want to have to glow up again. I don’t want to spend the winter “getting ahead” of my new year’s resolutions (am I even going to make any?). I don’t want to go against my body, I don’t want to push it harder.

It’s wake up at 5am, join a run club, actually pilates is better, drink your greens, eat your greens, gua sha, ozempic, mounjaro, don’t read spicy books they rot your brain, 12-step-skincare, eat the frog, dermaplaning, body contouring, eat less carbs, only eat protein… aren’t you tired?

It’s not all harmful, it’s not all misguided, it’s not all problematic. But is that all there is to consider, when it comes to this rhetoric?

When you cannot scroll without seeing someone “glow up”, when your youtube home page is full of everyone entering their “winter arc”, how do you allow yourself to just survive?

All of this is linked to late stage capitalism - in more ways than one. We will never be enough, we must be more, do more, make more, become our best selves so we can contribute more to the capitalist rat-race. We must desire a promotion so we push harder; we must look our best so we can assimilate. We must be thinner, whiter, “professional”.

And - perhaps more than ever before - we must buy from their TikTok shops, click on their affiliate links¹. We have to buy new protein bars and skincare tools and whichever metal cup is the one this season; razors and tweezers and wax and —

Perhaps my last straw was when I recently saw a video selling a facial hair identifier spray². The girl in the video is wide-eyed, mouth agape, text across the screen that she never knew she was this hairy! I begin to wonder how we got here; how we forget that we are mammals and that if she needs to spray her face with what is essentially dry shampoo to see the hair, perhaps it does not need removing.

Now, you do you. I’m not here to tell you what you can and can’t do when it comes to health, beauty, or productivity. But I wonder how we are leaning further and further into choice feminism, into justifying our choices as simply part of our freedom and not something that forces us closer to the perfect dolls men have looked for for centuries, and how many men’s pockets we are lining based on insecurity they have tricked us into³.

I particularly wonder about all of this in the context of the “winter arc”, and the way we are going against our basic instincts when it comes to this season. Instead of slowing down, we are being pushed to do the exact opposite.

I have always had Seasonal Affective Disorder - but nowadays, I question how ‘disordered’ it is to struggle to cope under capitalism when we are meant to be being slow and restful. I am not built for artificial light, for a 9-5, for pushing through the exhaustion and the cold and the dark. Am I disordered, or have I spent almost my entire life unable to deal with the way society functions?⁴

I don’t think the concept of the “winter arc” is inherently harmful - I can understand those who struggle with the black-and-white nature of January 1st and want to build new habits sooner. But I simultaneously wonder whether this is the season to be attempting to start a new life when all our bodies want is to slow; whether putting pressure on ourselves when it is dark and cold and miserable is fair on our brains.

This is not to say we should always be stagnant or never be uncomfortable; that we shouldn’t sometimes strive towards our goals or desire more for ourselves or improve that habit that we know actually does us some damage. That isn’t the point, isn’t the problem. What is, often, is the outside noise, the pressure, the beliefs that don’t come from our own values or desires, that trick us down a path we find ourselves halfway down before we even realise we are lost.

Perhaps a chunk of my reluctance comes from the way I have learnt about my neurodivergence and disabled body and how it functions against systems. I know that my brain cannot handle huge changes or sudden new habits, my chronically ill body cannot do the 75 hard or the 75 soft or the 75 medium or whatever it is today. I will probably manage a week of a habit before it is left by the wayside. The planner or to do list or the habit tracker will work for a few weeks, be forgotten once, then abandoned for the spiral of shame that comes next.

This is part of why I (largely) no longer read self-help books by neurotypical authors, nor do I read the most mainstream and recommended self-help books. I have not read Atomic Habits or Thinking Fast and Slow or The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I spent my teenage years reading books that fundamentally worked against my brain, encouraged study tips and habits that would never work for me before I even knew why. I have replaced them with books about neurodivergence, capitalism, and feminist theory; I get the “productivity” advice I do take from average neurodivergent people who share their lives online⁵ .

And I have learnt that I have to refuse the pressure. I reject the notion that I always, always have to be better, that there is always a next step, something new, a habit that will suddenly change my life. I do not allow myself to be sucked into what seems healthy but is really a trap to line someone’s pockets; I unsubscribe metaphorically from neuronormativity and capitalism, and physically from channels which push guilt and shame as health tips.

This winter I allow myself to do the opposite. To slow, to lean into what my body and mind are begging for, to not have to do anything new. I allow my body to be soft, I allow my brain the space to process.

You are welcome to your “winter arc”, but I fear we are obsessed with glow up culture, with always being better in ways that are unattainable or not aligned with our brains; that see us funneling time and money in ways we never wanted to.

Perhaps the example other animals set us of a little hibernating could be the right one, instead of the example from a hyper-productivity influencer with a TikTok shop?

Notes and references:

1. I feel it necessary to say that this is not meant to be black-and-white when it comes to influencer marketing - I am not against people, and especially women, making money this way because it is ultimately a job like any other (and for women, is one of the only industries where they are often making the same or more than their male peers). I make a small amount of my income these ways, too. However, I do not think the industry is beyond criticism, particularly when considering overconsumption and the way vulnerabilities are often preyed upon.

2. Unsurprisingly, it seems to be mostly available on Amazon or SHEIN. MSN picked up on the trend and had a dermatologist weigh in, if you’re somehow interested.

3. Choice feminism was coined by Linda Hirshman and discussed in the context of a fear of politics by Ferguson (2010) - the concept that women can sidestep criticism or going against the status quo by arguing that they can do as they wish.

4. I would recommend Sonny Jane Wise’s We’re All Neurodiverse when it comes to considering the concept of “disorders” and aligning with society’s norms and standards.

5. May I recommend the podcast Internet People by MJ and Anna as a starter guide?